There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
