I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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