I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
