Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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