it was like eating out sand paper
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
