I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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