he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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