hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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