someone get that fucking seahorse.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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