remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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