this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
