I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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