Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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