Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
