nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
