Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
