I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
