OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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