i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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