You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
