toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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