I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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