He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
