i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
