JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
