it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize