Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He passed out mid-signature
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
