I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize