I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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