i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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