youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
