My Higher Power is John Stamos
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
