fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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