A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
