i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
