He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
