I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
