Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
