Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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