I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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