college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
