Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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