My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's Friday. Sex?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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