i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
