She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
