i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
