if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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