Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
