i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
