Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
