i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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