they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
