Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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