have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
