I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
