You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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