Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize