Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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