i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize