girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
