Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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