I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
