hotel room ftw
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize