last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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