How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
