I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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