If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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