Its about making memories worth repressing
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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