That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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