my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
did i just pee glitter
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
