Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
