Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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