Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
